Yes, We Are Pregnant, Again!

We found out yesterday, after taking a home pregnancy test, that we are expecting our third child. I decided to take the test after feeling unusually hungry for several days and slightly nauseous. We weren’t completely sure the result was accurate, so early this morning Carl went to Walmart with the girls to buy a few more test kits. I took another test right away, and once again, it came out positive. So yes, we are indeed pregnant. If my calculations are correct, my due date will be the last week of June next year.

The Making of the Decision

Deciding to get pregnant again was not easy, especially after such a traumatic first pregnancy. I suffered from severe morning sickness throughout that pregnancy and could only tolerate soda and Cheerios for months. At around twenty-four weeks, I was placed on bed rest and eventually delivered at thirty weeks and one day due to severe preeclampsia. Our girls were born ten weeks early, weighing only 2.5 pounds each, and they spent ten long weeks in the hospital before we were finally able to bring them home.

I was very sick. My kidneys were damaged, and it took over a year for them to function fully again. I was discharged on high blood pressure medication, which I took for a month. It has been more than two years since that terrifying time, yet the memories remain vivid.

Carl and I both wanted another child, but talking about it was incredibly difficult. I would become very emotional whenever the topic came up. I simply couldn’t overcome the fear—fear of disability, fear of another NICU stay, fear of reliving that trauma. Hearing NICU stories or seeing photos of premature babies always brought back painful memories and never failed to make me cry. Eventually, I brought those fears to the Lord.

I remember reading a book that said when our minds wander while studying the words of Christ, we should pause, put the reading down, and allow the Spirit to guide our thoughts. As I read, I felt a strong prompting to stop and pray. I closed my eyes and poured my heart out to God. I told Him that I wanted another baby, but that I was terrified to even make the decision because of what I had experienced during my first pregnancy. I shared my fears and worries and asked Him if it was His will for us to have another child.

Then came the clearest, surest, and most comforting knowledge I have ever received—that there is indeed another child waiting to be born into our family. I told God that I was scared, and a voice came to me saying, “It doesn’t matter.” I questioned it, saying, “Why not? It matters to me.”

In that moment, the sweetest and most comforting feeling washed over me, assuring me that no matter what happens, the Lord is with me. I imagined myself in every possible scenario—even being disabled or having a disabled child—and asked myself how I would feel. I was humbled to realize that even if all the powers of hell were combined against me, I would be okay if that same feeling of peace remained with me.

The truth became clear: it doesn’t matter what I may go through, because the Lord is—and always will be—with me. I will forever be grateful for our merciful Father, who comforted me so completely and washed away my fears. In that moment, I knew without a doubt that I wanted another baby and was willing to pay whatever the cost.

Carl and I knew it was the right decision. We decided to move to Florida earlier than planned so we could settle in and find a good OB before getting pregnant. I didn’t want to go through a move while pregnant, so we made the transition sooner—and we did.

How Do I Feel Now?

Emotionally, I feel happy and excited. I am still a bit scared, but whenever fear creeps in, I return to the confirmation and peace I felt from the Lord. I remind myself that this is the right thing to do and that this is what He wants for us, and I feel comforted. Carl is excited too. Unlike our first pregnancy, the announcement wasn’t particularly special—we were both at home, and he was working. When the test came back positive, I walked into his office, showed it to him, and we hugged.

Physically, I don’t feel great. I’ve been nauseous for the past few days and constantly hungry. I eat many times a day, yet the thought of shrimp makes me feel sick. I actually had shrimp the day before I took the test and went to bed feeling like I was going to throw up—I thought it was bad shrimp at the time. I’ve also been extremely tired and sleepy, with some pain in my lower back and right hip. I thought it might be too early for morning sickness since I’m only in my fourth week, but who knows.

For now, I’m eating whatever I can while I still feel able. I hope and pray that this pregnancy will be easier than the first and that it will be a singleton. Still, as the Spirit reminded me, it doesn’t really matter—because the Lord is with me.